Christmas reflection

Going to church on Christmas Eve is usually a time of great joy for me. It's my favorite church service of the year, one that brings me peace, comfort, and a great reminder of the true meaning of Christmas.

Tonight I cried...I cried that things are not how they used to be, that I am not the person I used to be. I can no longer feel the joy of Christmas without also feeling the pain that the holidays bring to so many people. When Lauren read the Christmas prayer that acknowledged those who are homeless, my heart ached for the men and women that I serve everyday.

Singing "Silent Night" seemed hypocritical...for so many people, Christmas Eve is anything but a night when all is calm and all is bright. Even that night in the manger over 2000 years ago, when Mary and Joseph had no place to go, it probably did not seem this way either. It was impossible to sing this familiar hymn without these thoughts running through my mind.

However, one addition to this year's Christmas Eve service at my home church was that "Joy to the World" immediately followed "Silent Night." While it doesn't reduce the reality of the pain and suffering in the world, it reminds us that it is not forever. The joy of Christmas is that one day all the sorrow will be erased...

"No more let sins and sorrows grow, nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make his blessings flow far as the curse is found
Far as the curse is found, far as, far as the curse is found"

It may seem like a long way off, but if Advent teaches us anything, it is how to wait in hopeful expectation of what has been promised.

Please pray for those who are homeless and alone tonight.
Merry Christmas

Battling the Darkness

"What if anything have you and I done to do battle against the great darkness of things?"- Frederick Buechner

This statement from Buechner's daily meditation "Listening to your Life" stuck out to me when reading it last night. Lately, I have been asking myself that question too much from the perspective of despair and hopelessness.

When people ask me what I am doing this year, and I tell them that I work for a homeless ministry, too often I get responses like "Oh, that's so wonderful what you're doing!" or "That must be such rewarding work." Honestly, I don't know how to reply to these reactions. What I really want to say sometimes is "You know what? A lot of times it's not rewarding at all...it's hard and painful and heartbreaking. Too often I feel like the need is just too great."

Don't get me wrong, I still love the Campus and the values it stands for...it truly is a light to so many men and women who have no family outside of it. However, it doesn't stop me from wondering sometimes, "What am I doing to battle against the great darkness of things?"